ask dr. read      Idaho Statesman columns      new articles      biography      formal resume      philosophy      services offered      contact dr. read      psychology links      other links      forms      pictures		More Encouragement Needed by James M. Read, Ph.D. Every parent wants a more or less obedient child. And most of us know at least a few ways to promote obedience. Punishment has always been a popular way to encourage "proper" behavior. Until recently physical punishment such as spanking was a very common way parents shaped the behavior of their children. It has never worked very well, and luckily times are changing. Spanking is finally waning a bit in popularity as a behavior modification approach. But even "time out" and "natural" or "logical" consequences can only go so far. These are useful and effective tools that every parent should be familar with and use from time to time. But they are not enough. If all you do is reward good behavior and punish "bad" you may generate little more than an obedient puppet or an oppositional delinquent. Obedience to authority is not enough. Blind obedience is dangerous. More is needed. More encouragement. Think of it as an art. The art of encouragement! It takes involvement, of course. Involvement in what your children are doing, and creative ways you generate to support their interests and activities through skillful application of encouraging remarks and attention. Encouragement teaches children to be self-reliant and responsible. Encouragement helps children to think for themselves and become inner-directed, rather than just responding to what authority demands. Encouragement gives children a sense of belonging and builds self-esteem and a healthy self-concept. Encouragement is more than a technique. It's a parenting philosophy. It doesn't mean permissiveness. It means that parents actively get involved with their children, know what is going on, and consciously seek opportunities to say and do positive things that will support and explore their children's interests. More or less equally distributed encouragement also develops and promotes an atmosphere of cooperation within the family. It tends to reduce competition and provide a sense of security because each child feels uiquely supported. Each is more likely to feel confident he will get his due. Of positive encouraging (and affirming) attention. Encouragement. It's a philosophy your family can live with! James M. Read, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist  Originally published in The Idaho Stateman newspaper (Boise, Idaho) December 23, 1993 For more information, or to contact the author (that's me!), write to James M. Read, Ph.D., jread@jread.com