ask dr. read      Idaho Statesman columns      new articles      biography      formal resume      philosophy      services offered      contact dr. read      psychology links      other links      forms      pictures		Pet Death's Need to be Mourned Too by James M. Read, Ph.D. It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but when a pet dies the impact on the individual and the family may be quite devastating. Pet deaths, just like human losses, need to be mourned and dealt with appropriately rather than just ignored or minimized. And this is not true just for children. Though the kids in the family may make their feelings more obvious through tears and changes in behavior, the adults may be just as much affected. Adults shouldn't be embarrassed about expressing the feelings of bereavement. Tears and weeping are perfectly OK. Healthy in fact. It's not a problem to cry in front of children. We adults ought to be showing our children that it is perfectly acceptable to let our emotions be shown and shared. The tears and feelings that result from the passing of a beloved family dog or cat are no exception. Even a pet fish! It doesn't matter what kind of animal has died. It's the relationship, the meaning, and the memories that make it hurt. A little ritual helps. A wake or a memorial of some kind can ease the loss and celebrate the passage. Memories preserved in a photo album or scrapbook assure the bereaved that the deceased will not be forgotten. This provides some comfort. Some people like to bury their pets with all the ceremony that might attend a human funeral. No problem. That ritual is helpful and important to some people. Having a physical place to go afterwards, where the animal was buried, can be emotionally satisfying. Don't be too quick to replace the animal. Proper mourning takes time, and hasty acquisition of a new member of the family can be disconcerting and upsetting, especially to children who are not ready yet. All of this sounds like simple common sense that applies to a human loss as well. And indeed I think it does. Pets can be such an important part of the family that their passing is hardly different from losing a human family member. Mourning takes awhile. Don't hurry the process. The pain will ease. James M. Read, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist  Originally published in The Idaho Stateman newspaper (Boise, Idaho) May 6, 1993 For more information, or to contact the author (that's me!), write to James M. Read, Ph.D., jread@jread.com