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Skills Help People Cope With Stress
by James M. Read, Ph.D.
Everybody has it. Everybody suffers with too much of it. Everybody needs at least a little of it. I'm talking, of course, about stress, that popular malady of the late 20th century. We've always had stress, but now people talk about it more. People know more about it too, and are doing more effective things to control it than were ever done before.

Some of the best material in this area has been written by psychologist Donald A. Tubesing of Whole Person Associates in Duluth, Minn. He suggests that there are four basic approaches to coping with stress. These skills can be learned, and with practice you can improve your proficiency! They are as follows:

Organize Yourself

This involves several items.

* Valuing: Choose between alternatives and decide what is really important to you. Do fewer things and do them better.

* Personal planning: Set goals for yourself and see that you make progress towards them.

* Commitment: Invest yourself in your values and turn your goals into reality. It's risky, but if you don't invest yourself, you get nothing in return.

* Pacing: Pay attention to your own personal tempo, and don't try to be a racehorse if your natural pace is slower.

Change the Scene

* Nourish relationships: Make friends, establish and cultivate a social support network.

* Listen: Practice the art of empathizing and tune in carefully to the feelings of others.

* Be assertive: Say "no" when necessary.

* Fight: When you have to. This involves the art of standing your ground and changing what's around you. A fair fight can be healthy and serve to reduce stress.

* Flee: Sometimes It's better to retreat and find another setting that is more likely to support your quest for inner peace.

* Build a nest: Turn your house into a home and make it the kind of setting that encourages you to relax and recharge.

Change your Mind

Most stress comes from how we look at things. Changing your attitude and your perspective can make a big difference. Learn how to:

* Relabel things: Call a spade a "diamond in the rough." Look for the positive in every challenge.

* Surrender: Say "goodbye," let go, and close doors. When it's time, turn the page and go on to a new chapter in your life.

* Develop faith: Accept the mysterious and unknowable in life.

* Use your imagination: Be creative and laugh.

* Whisper: Talk quietly to yourself, using positive messages.

Build up your Strength

* Exercise: Fine-tune and strengthen your body.

* Provide yourself with healthy nutrition: This involves the art of feeding your body the proper building (and maintenance!) materials.

* Be gentle with yourself: Treat yourself with care. Avoid guilt-inducing admonitions that just make things worse.

* Relax: "Cruise in neutral" and recharge your batteries periodically.

I like everything Tubesing writes. If you want to read more in this area (or related areas), get any book Don Tubesing has written - they're all terrific!

Originally published in The Idaho Statesman, 2/19/86

For more information contact psychologist James M. Read, Ph.D. at: jread@jread.com

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