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Tell a Child if You’re in a Bad Mood
by James M. Read, Ph.D.
Bad moods happen to all of us. Sometimes we're frustrated; sometimes we're angry. Normal, everyday stresses can create irritability and impatience. But what do these feelings and moods do to our very young children?

Even small children are sensitive to their parent's moods. Should you tell your children how you are feeling, or even what is upsetting you?

There is no doubt that you should at least say something to your children when you are in a bad mood. It you don't, they may misinterpret your behavior as an indication that you don't love them anymore. They may think they are "bad" and that's why you are acting withdrawn or uninterested.

Don't burden the youngsters with your problems, but do explain that you are in s bad mood. Reassure them that they have nothing to do with it and that everything will be all right.

Parenting is an extremely demanding responsibility. It's a chore that is best shared. Parents all need a break now and again from the vigors and stress of the daily routine. If you are moody or depressed frequently, it may be helpful to make sure you are getting proper support and an occasional "vacation" from parenting.

This may be hardest for single parents. You can, by the way, be a "single parent" even though you have a spouse or partner living with you. Ask friends or family for help and see that you periodically get a break.

Here are some speclfic suggestions from children's author Joanna Cole about how to talk to your child about your mood.

* Don't burden your child by sharing too much. Avoid placing adult pressures on the child by confiding details inappropriate for his age.

* Keep it simple. Don't give elaborate details about what is troubling you. It's usually enough to say "I'm in a bad mood. I'm sorry if I'm not much fun right now."

* Take responsibility for your feelings. Tell your child what your mood is, and then explain that it is YOUR problem (not his) and you wilt take care of it. He should not worry.

* Acknowledge and accept the child's feelings. "You're angry now because I'm not much fun to play with today. I understand."

* Tell him it's not his fault. "I'm sorry I'm no fun right now - lt's not your fault though. I'll feel better soon. I love you even when I'm in a bad mood!"

* Make sure the child understands that moods change. You don't feel terrific now, but you WILL probably feel better soon.

* Let him try and cheer you up, lf he wants to. If he hugs you, brings you a present or trys to make you laugh, offer appreciation. "That's terrific; I feel better already; thanks!"

Children learn how to cope with their feelings by how we deal with ours. Explaining to young children that they are not the cause of every bad mood provides important reassurance.

Originally published in The Idaho Statesman, 2/12/86

For more information contact psychologist James M. Read, Ph.D. at: jread@jread.com

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