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Whatever Happened to Pens?
by James M. Read, Ph.D.
Shouldn't everyone have a $250 Mont Blanc Diplomat?

When I was in grade school, we were required to write with fountain pens. It was a big deal in sixth grade when we were finally permitted (reluctantly) to use ball points. It is, perhaps, from this early trauma and obvious deprivation that I have developed a neurotic liking for these old-fashioned writing instruments. Perhaps it's just an especially odd form of mid-life crisis?

The retailers tell me that fountain pens are coming back. Maybe only as Yuppie symbols of success (a $250 Mont Blanc Diplomat fountain pen isn't for everyone), but their use appears to be spreading.

My sickness started only recently. It's all my brother's fault. He visited us over the New Year holiday and while riding the chair lifts together he couldn't help bragging about the Mont Blanc Classic fountain pen that was waiting for him at home.

He's an easterner, where I guess they appreciate these things more. Now that he's got it, that big black and gold phallic symbol with a white star on top, he claims he writes better and has more fun doing it. He has the more restrained Mont Blanc Classic, his boss went whole hog and got the totally outrageous telephone pole sized Diplomat. It is so pornographic you probably have to use both hands to write with it.

Well, all this talk about world-class fountain pens got me to thinking about that little black Pelikan I used to write my spelling tests back in Mrs. Quinn's third grade. I'm sure I spelled better because of it.

I couldn't help it, really. My brother made me do it. I bought a 1988 version of that same pen.

In Geneva in 1955 it cost about 10 Swiss francs, or $2.50. Now it costs just over a hundred. I couldn't believe it. Neither could I believe the full color glossy "International" pen catalogs. Arthur Brown in New York, Fahrney's in Washington. They have pens costing $8,000. Think of all the starving Ethiopians.

Soon after my brother left I began to notice pens. So-called gomers, geeks and nerds wear lots of pens, but that doesn't mean they are all engineers or accountants. No one wears plastic pocket protectors anymore. Bics, Write-Brothers, Pilot, Schaeffer - all standard Kmart stuff.

Well-heeled executives often dress themselves with a matched set of gold Cross "writing instruments." That's been cool for some time. Silver is OK, but John Molloy ("Dress for Success") would prefer you wear gold (along with your simple analog gold watch - no bells and whistles allowed).

The super sophisticated will have nothing less than the best - Mont Blanc. I was surprised that within the week after my brother left and my consciousness had been raised I saw two people(right here in Boise, Idaho! ) with prominently displayed Mont Blanc "jewelry."

I was in a committee meeting and one of the members leaned back casually so that his jacket slipped away from his breast pocket - and there it was! Not one, but two large black and gold pieces magnificently topped with the trade-mark white star of Mont Blanc.

For those uninitiated, there is a breathtakingly beautiful mountain in the French alps called "Mont Blanc." I'm sure it is called that because it is always snow covered on top ("blanc" is French for white). Since I grew up in sight of this magnificent mountain (and my brother was born in its shadow) I think I deserve to have one of these erotic writing machines too, don't you?

I'm just not sure I could be comfortable with such conspicuous consumption. My brother apparently is, but he obviously has this affliction much worse than I do.

Since limited circulation newsletters on obscure subjects are all the rage these days we've joked a little about writing a pen lovers weekly. This Week In Pens, or Pen Week it might be called. It would, of course, have a glossy full color centerfold of the month's most luscious 18 carat piston filler. It would also have technical reports and "test drives" of new products in the handwriting market.

I don't think we'll ever really do it. Too limited a market. How many people do you know that drool over pens?

It never ceases to amaze me what items can become status symbols or prized possessions even if valued only by a very limited group of people. I guess it's a good thing that we don't all get turned on by the same things!

Originally published in The Idaho Statesman, 5/4/88

For more information contact psychologist James M. Read, Ph.D. at: jread@jread.com

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